April 28th, 2020: The Need to be Validated
What should we do when we think that we are right in doing what we do and yet the outcome is less desirable? We know that it happens and yet it is still irritating when it does. Some of us can shrug it off and move on. Some of us allow the experience to be a tainted one. The bigger question is why being right is so important to many of us. We argue we fight, we get angry and sometimes practice passive-aggressive responses when we are told that we are not right.
Being validated is important to our emotional health. When others think that we are wrong, the first human response is to fight back. This creates a serious problem in human relationships. I have witnessed men who failed to apologize for their mistakes against their significant others and ended up destroying the good in the relationships. The need for validation can be the root of failing to affirm others.
Feeling safe is highly valued by many of us. Somehow being right providing that needed safety. But this form of safety sometimes comes with a very high cost. It is the cost of not being able to grow in our ability to truly appreciate others and develop our emotional intelligence. Now instead of feeling safe, we find ourselves in a constant survival mode emotionally.
We might become intense and fail to relax because of our need for being right. We feel as if we have to be on our toes all the time. Stress is the landmark of our life and that cannot be a healthy way to live. So keep in mind, the need to be right all the time is not good for our heart. It takes away our freedom to enjoy the simple goodness of life. We are robbed of the experience of grace.
"He'll validate your life in the clear light of day and stamp you with approval at high noon. Quiet down before God, be prayerful before him. Don't bother with those who climb the ladder, who elbow their way to the top. Bridle your anger, trash your wrath, cool your pipes - it only makes things worse."
(Psalm 37: 6-8)
