A young man called me last night and he was tormented by his relationship with his mother. It is not because she was a horrible mom. It was unresolved grief that is caused by his dad's suicide a few years ago. Emotionally, he blames parents for his father's death although he knows intellectually that it is not right. I knew the father a bit because his mother and her family came to see me for help when they first arrived in Canada. He was a brilliant physician and who was quite loved by people of a small northern town in Alberta. He was awkward in some ways and very uncomfortable in social conversations. This young man has had many conversations with me ever since the suicide. His father's death has been a major topic of our time together.
Most of our conversation yesterday was about forgiveness. We were talking about forgiving people who never ask or haven't got a chance to ask us to forgive them. The question is whether we can forgive without being asked. His father died so he cannot ask. His mother is still working through her forgiveness for the father. Forgiveness sometimes needs to be unconditional. But how? Can we do it without receiving it?
He asked me why forgiveness is so important in dealing with what he is going through. Resentment is the voice that will nag us when we cannot forgive. It is an angry answer and anger does not help us to see things. Somehow that voice has the most significant influence on how we conduct our life. Without forgiveness, sometimes the dead will keep on controlling the living. It exposes us to death, emotional and spiritual ones. The absence of forgiveness can put us on a pathway of personal self-destruction.
A peaceful heart leads to a healthy body; jealousy is like cancer in the bones. (Proverbs 14:30)
