July 23rd, 2021: Abusiveness and Emotional Bondage

 


Abusive relationships are more common than we think. People abuse one another in many different ways; in marriages, dating relationships, business partnerships, friendships, and more. We begin to see more problems in abusive relationships surface as Covid-19 restrictions are no longer there. Intense shutdown reveals the magnitude of abusive relationships more strikingly.


As I listened to a young person who shared the emotional bondage that she experienced with someone she broke up with a while ago, I decided to put some of my thoughts down for this edition of my blog.


Damaged people damage others: emotional bondage can be passed on from one generation to the next or from one group of people to another. Somehow the whole notion of loving someone is twisted around the idea of having control over the other person. Jealousy, guilt, fear, and anger tend to be displayed often in these relationships.


People incline to second guess themselves and God in these relationships. I often hear how abused people blame themselves for not being as loving as they should in loving the abusive ones. That is incredibly wicked. They also believe that I have not pleased God by how they handle the instigators of the abuse.


Nothing can be more painful than the feeling of rejection. It is one of the most damaging human emotions. Abusive people tend to use both the promise of love and the rejection threat as the way to control the abused. They can talk about love and hate in the same sentence. Their speech leads to further confusion. They pretend to care while seeking the destruction of the other person.


Forgiveness plays an essential part in regaining freedom in dealing with abusive relationships. When we forgive someone, the power that person has over us is dissipated. It is about reclaiming the self-worth that we have in God. That is the most precious gift in life. When we learn to forgive, we also learn to fight back the abusive dominance with the power of God. It is an incredible display of strength when an abused can forgive the abuser.


Psalm 51: 10 - "Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me."


Romans 8: 15-16 - "For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father. The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God."

Popular posts from this blog

Aug 31st, 2024: Confession

Image
Dealing with pain sometimes affects our ability and flexibility. A physiotherapist friend gave me a set of home exercises to help with that. They are simple yet intense at the same time. Dealing with our human brokenness sometimes affects our ability to see and hear God. Our commitment to spiritual disciplines must be at the core of our relationship with God. One of the disciplines I have been trying to embrace more fully is confession. It’s not just about recognizing where we have gone wrong; it’s about how we have chosen to live our lives independently from God. It’s about whether we truly want God to be part of our lives. The absence of meaningful confession will damage our freedom to experience intimacy with God. "Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy." - Proverbs 28:13
Read more

Sept 4th, 2024: Praying in Images

Image
It has been a rough few days. Living in immense pain does not allow us much energy to think about anything. I ended up praying in images, and not many words came out of my mouth. Most of the images were of people I know. God knew that I was praying for them as their faces came to my mind. I did not need to mention the circumstances or situations of their lives—He knows. My heart was at peace as I ended my days with these images. He will take care of my body, and I know this because I was able to get some sleep. Tomorrow is in His hands.
Read more

Oct 1st, 2022: Be With Those Who Suffer

Image
  Listening to a young woman who shared her experience of being raped repeatedly by a family member for over four years as a teenager made my heart ache. The man who did that was a leader of a church. He was imprisoned for seven months and released. He was her stepfather. Her mother chose to pick him over her after his release. Her life has changed forever. She had to go to a foster home. Her foster parents helped her with her restoration and her faith in God. Her supervisor at work asked me to see her because someone at work was inappropriate toward her. That triggered many emotions within her. I did not expect the story I heard from her. The meeting took longer than I thought, and it was toward the end of the day. She kept talking about her anger and the pain she felt when men treated her like a subject. I knew that the best I could do was to listen. She told me she had not been able to tell anyone as much as with me. God reminded me of the true calling of being a pas...
Read more