Oct 1st, 2021: Reflection on Abusive Relationships

I  decided to reread some of my notes about abusive relationships. It actually didn't bring me too much comfort. However, it does help me understand the strong reaction from some people concerning their responses to some of the health decisions by our governments recently. Please read and consider them as points of reflection.

In an abusive relationship, the other party always tries to make us feel inadequate and inferior. That is the way to gain power over us. We feel as if we lose the freedom to be and think for ourselves. 

Here are some of the indicators:

• Threats. They tell us about what would happen if we refuse to carry out what they told us. They don't let us be with our families and loved ones. They don't want us to have friends. 
• Monitor where we are. Abusers want to know where we are at all the time. We have to respond to calls or texts immediately. They might check upon us to see where we are supposed to be. Isolation is also an essential aspect of an abusive relationship.
• Spy on us. They spy on your internet history, emails, texts, and call log. They might even get access to our online accounts. They check on who we write to and who write us. They don't like when we seek help because they are afraid of being exposed.
• Unilateral decision-making. Abusers make financial decisions, medical choices, or contact people we work with without asking. They create a narrative about who we are to justify their action.
• Financial control. Abusers control us financially by making us dependent on them, and we have to report how we spend our money. They don't want us to go out and work. They don't encourage independence and creativity in our life.
• Undermine. Abusers talk to us as if we don't know anything and lecture us about our lack of knowledge or awareness of life. They tell us to trust them and don't ask too many questions. They might even tell us that we don't even know half of what they know.
• Direct orders. They like to order us even though we might disagree with them. They get offended when we disobey their orders. 
• Outbursts. Abusers tend to communicate in anger. They will never consider our feelings and thoughts. They are happy to ignore them.
• Belittle. Abusers treat us without respect because they don't think we know what we are doing and who we are. They assume that we are incapable of helping ourselves.
• Manipulation. Abusers may tell us that others think we are crazy or even stupid. They use gang mentality to manipulate us. They might even use the names of people we respect to cause uncertainty within us. The outcome is confusion because we feel totally misunderstood and abused.

I am not going to have a conclusion because that is not the thesis of this blog. It might be best that each one of us takes time and ponder on how abusive relationships work. I hope that we can gain some discernment and insight and stop the name-calling game because that is abusive in itself. When we don't do that, we play right into the hand of the evil one.

1 Corinthians 12: 26

"If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it."